By Piotr Malewski, June 16, 2012, Copyright 2012
George, I write to you as there is something about my situation I have been registering and that I wish to share. It is a feeling, a state, a set of circumstances that has been with me for a long while now, but it has never been so powerful before. I have read what you wrote about the recent changes in your immediate surroundings, your family life and how you relate that to the timing of the approaching events.
As I try to understand it, our lives are filled with a great number of intertwined cycles representing various aspects of our existence on this plane. Those who are awakened usually exist on the edge of normal life, somewhere there between the masses, but only half-heartedly, tending to stray towards the edge, where none around them enter. They are out there, not only mentally or emotionally, but also physically, not engaging in the commonly acceptable, distracting activities. Doing the necessary minimum to survive, inviting the right kinds of cycles.
While this particular predicament has been extensively discussed on the website, constantly recurring here and there, I have never been fit to take it to the extreme in any way. And so I have looked at my life and I have seen things that I was comfortable doing, whether on the edge of the society or not. Things that filled the time between my lessons, allowing me to internalize their energy, prepare for what was ahead, center myself, distract myself for a while, so that I could rest between the battles. There were also some “necessary routines” I did not mind attending.
In this way I was at the same time cut away from the things that were blindingly unfit for my consciousness level and engaged with those that seemed relatively acceptable. The situation has however changed.
Presently, wherever I look, I see nothing. Nothing I want to do, nothing I want to see, nothing I want to feel, nothing I want to be engaged in, experience, nobody I really want to talk to or exchange my views with. In everything I inevitably find a part that disturbs me to the core, a fallacy I cannot overlook, a corruption that in the end renders an action invalid, unnecessary, meaningless and as such in need of correction that at this time cannot yet be made.
The cycles in my life all seem to naturally end. A turn of events, just slowly stops them, I am not interested anymore, the people I used to be engaged with coincidentally disappear or are otherwise occupied. Even the things I used to see as shining stars in the vast darkness are coming to a conclusion.
I am on the extreme edge, looking in the abyss and it is the vastest one I have ever seen. It was no simple thing and much shit was required/requires to be faced for me to stand here… and to keep standing here. There is nothing to hold on to, no nets and no safety belts, and I must not change it, for it will defeat the purpose of the bravery I have managed to squeeze out of myself up till now.
There is absolutely no 3D future I can think of that I would be interested to have or that looms at the horizon as viable or probable. I have given up on it all. There are no alternatives that are appealing. I cannot emphasize enough how there now actually is NOTHING for me to do here, but sit, wait and watch the walls or hit the refresh button on this site.
I am in a stasis and I am allowed to be in it, to drift with one goal in mind – Ascension.
Now only a disturbing restlessness remains. All of me wants to go in all directions and yet no roads appear and the body annoyingly twitches with anticipation instead of rushing towards the horizon.
All cycles seem to end in June.
I have written to you many times but I have never suggested any Ascension dates for myself or others. Based on my observations however this is the first time I feel like June will indeed mark an important end and an equally important beginning. Hopefully, this prospect will not need to change or me and my HS will be having a very unpleasant chat as soon as I get my hands on it.