by Madge Midgely, July 30, 2013
Now maybe I am still caught in a guilt matrix of sorts… or maybe I am just feeling a little crazy… but what if it is MY FAULT the PAT has not yet ascended?
What if those heady good beers I drink at night, (which are one of the things about living on Earth that I enjoy) are keeping us all tethered to this reality? What if those times I didn’t keep my attitude in check and was short and aggravated with those I love, was just a notch in the belt of this physical stagnated cesspool?
I have ridden the Ascension wave for so long, and I haven’t given up, but I have wondered why it is taking so goddamn long. Am I doing something wrong, that MAY be holding up the whole Train?
We keep waiting for the PTW to cave to our strategic plot of pulling out the cards that are stacking the deck. We brace ourselves for it’s fall, on a daily and momentary basis.
It’s been seemingly centuries since we were told that we are the ones, we are waiting for…. well I am here…. you’re here…. and I am getting bored.
I have noticed through time, that the Universe is always allowing us to come to our own conclusions, and to attempt in making our own decisions. And because the Universe has a strange sense of humor, it will allow us to settle on something, only to change the course last minute, or to take that something we settled on away.
Sometimes I wonder if we could just collectively give up, SOMETHING would happen.
Have you ever had plans to meet someone at a certain time, only to sit there for an hour before deciding to give up… only to get up from your chair and to run into your late friend walking through the door. And then being confronted with the choice to just say “sorry, I waited for an hour. You’re late.” or to turn around and join your friend at a table. A choice of going with the flow, whatever your perception of flow may be. Leave in anger and frustration, or sit with joy and appreciation that, while you were waiting, you got some things done, and now you can have a lovely interaction with some one you enjoy?
Or, maybe you spend months making plans which you look forward to fulfilling, it actually catalyzes a reason to wake in the morning, movement toward a desire. Only to arrive to that date and have some unexpected calamity which prevents said plans from following through… I hate that.
It’s the story of my life. I just keep trucking on, but I find frustration in feeling like I haven’t made as much leeway as I would like.
Meanwhile, the Universe is laughing at me because the Universe could give a fuck about my perception of time and how I think it functions. It cares about my desires, but does not care how I perceive them to manifest. The Universe laughs because it has a fucked up sense of humor when it comes to humanities perception of struggle. Because the Universe knows that Perception dictates experience.
Sometimes I think that as Spiritually minded people, we have been set up with the most and highest hurdles. We are not running the race for fame or fortune – we are running the race to get back Home, and Home is out of this World. No wonder people who are over achievers always feel like nothing is ever enough. Though they shoot high, they are not shooting high enough.
We have consciously saddled ourselves with the task of getting US HOME! And it feels like we are driving through a long patch of desolated highway in Nebraska during shitty weather that finds itself on a fast flux of hot and dry, and wet and stormy. To say I want to get off the bus is an understatement. I feel like a whiney child who just wants to go potty and sleep in her own bed, at home after a long journey. (I feel ya Jerry. I really do.)
Also like an impatient and tired child, I want it my way, and I want it now! Our watchers, our angels, like a patient mother just tell us to “Hold on. Be patient. Keep smiling, everything’s going to work out just fine. To keep your eyes open and watch the scenery change.”
I get it… and maybe if I wasn’t so tired, and full of pee, I could just sit still and be content on the journey. But I know it’s my own fault I didn’t go to the bathroom before I boarded for the journey and that feels like guilt. Like I might be holding everyone back.
I don’t like feeling guilty. I hope I am not holding all of us back, somehow.
I love you ALL.
Love light and Laughter