Travis Brown, April 10, 2015
I agree with your latest energy report. I just looked through dream and journal entries on those days, and sure enough the 5th and 6th were hell, and on the 7th I was pulled under in a sudden deep nap, in which I seemed to be bilocating – lucid in the dream, and lucid as a paralyzed 3D body in bed. In the dream body I was in ecstasy and love. When I anchored back into physical I felt on fire, and of course the vibration was intense and otherworldly. I tried to go back ‘asleep’, and made it halfway, with the sensation of going out of body but still present, the typical clicking in my skull and with the frequency augmenting, but had to surrender to my physical return. These trips and the ascension process are exhaustive to my heart and CNS. I feel fried alive, like it’s a success to breathe and not die when the heartbeat is especially erratic and there is the sense of all functional identity stripped to only a detached awareness.
I feel the masses’ eruptions with a sense of personal devastation and hopelessness. It is quite strange that in my daily living I entertain both a future timeline of nothing good happening for me and intensified hardship in this hell, and also the sudden Shift and being absolved from slave-hell once and for all. Seems like with our track record of delays, I ought to live like a psychotic person: betraying my deeper truth (which, in a way, would be to sit here til the money runs out) but in order to plan prudently for indefinite detention in this physical realm. Because, given that at a higher level, there is nothing substantial supporting the matrix, it still perpetuates on the delusions of the masses, which seem ingrained ad infinitum.
One simple example is the collective belief in the dollar. How long has this illusion among all others been a charade, and how long have the mirrors reflected the smoke in this programmed, brainwashed dystopia? My PAT friend (who finds keeping up with the site all too disheartening since we’ve been on the edge for years) describes society like Wile E. Coyote, having run out over the cliff, but not seen down yet, so still impossibly suspended. So when will the collective see the fall below and hold up the sign exclaiming “Yikes!” ? (Someone may have used this analogy recently on the site as well.)
I don’t want to harp on cynicism, but we the PAT really don’t know what effort will be required. Do we think it really matters in the grand scheme of things if all the PAT has to die by LBP overload in order to ascend this planet? Looking back on messages over the years, we have always been told what will get us through to the next hurdle. Otherwise there might have been a subversion of mass suicide among us not by the PTW but by our own weary souls, overwhelmed by the Achilles heel of human psychological frailty.
I cannot look at the state of my process or that of the world, with any hope, except for The Sudden Miracle. Obviously, I know the PAT is together on that sentiment; but the continual question is how to survive for who-knows-how-long as we slide on a massive scale like a continental shelf into the abyss. It is preposterous and profoundly absurd that only a small few of us see the dead-end. The majority is absolutely fucking crazy. Can we blame them? Tough path to wake up and still be embodied in this world! (Like the phrase you used, I wrote in my journal upon awakening recently: “Cul-de-sac. Dead end every time. How will I ever leave this planet?”)
At the end of my rope, I quit my slave job in March, with some savings for a transitional break. I know everything will be OK for me, in the greater sense, and I even trust in the lesser sense as well, come what may.
I affirm that I know I am here for this transition, so “come hell or high water” it must complete. Or maybe I die in the process, which really is also okay, and at this point seems like a blessing of relief.
I apologize for lots of melodrama. I understand this is due in part to my temperament, my exhaustion, my disoriented delirium, and also relieving the exhumed energy of the collective subconscious death-wish. If I must experience it all in this way for the highest good, then so be it. But I most wish for grace and the living light to penetrate our beingness completely so all limitation-consciousness is dissolved with the brilliance and harmony of the higher realms. That we may transfigure at once!
So, come on April ’15! We are rooting for you!
In love, for peace,